Over the past 6 months I’ve made an effort to monitor the search terms through which people find this website. And it makes rather disturbing reading. I’ll cover some of my favourites below.
“Significance of constantly seeing a white owl”
Does this person live in an owl sanctuary? Perhaps their current medication is a little two potent and it needs toned down a little? Either way someones fucked.
“I take a shit once a week”
The only thing I can recommend is that you either eat more or watch more Hollyoaks. That always seems to coax my digestive system into spraying out the brown.
“What do you do if you get a bone stuck in your throat”
I certainly would not recommend visiting Google and typing that question into it, that is for starters. It can be quite serious y’know? Get yourself to a hospital if you are not already dead.
“Goths and how they eat and survive”
There seems to be two train of thoughts about this. You have the Robert Smiths of this world and the Richey Edwards. The former eats more than their fair share and survives albeit with no remaining discernable musical talent. The latter does not. So is it better to be eat and be a mediocre goth or not eat and die mediocre?
Now that is a question!
“Wanking is getting boring”
May I suggest that you stop wanking 10 times a day and actually feed your cat?
“How to make yourself puke while putting your fingers down your throat”
There does not seem to be an easy answer to this. Just keep trying and you’ll eventually get there. The further you get those fingers down the more pronounced the results will be. Good luck.
“People born in portrush on christmas day”
Could you possibly be any more specific?
“Have a wank in public toilets”
Hi George!
“Signs of when your drunk and barfing”
Usually this will be pretty damn obvious. Vomit will start pumping out of your mouth and nose and you may begin harassing young women who have absolutely no interest in you. You might tend to sing a little more than you usually would too.
“Buy a real goat in northern ireland”
Am I missing something here? What other types of goats are there?
“Put a finger up your bum wanking ? post”
Oh dear Jesus. I guess its best its his finger and not the telly’s remote control.
“How to know when to start wanking?”
Does anyone know the answer to this elusive question? Usually downstairs will give you a call before its time for timmy.
A more constructive question would be “How to know when to stop wanking?”.
“Goldfish constantly trying to escape”
Urmmmmm………get a tank mate. And/or stop playing so many god damn Simon and Garfunkel LP’s.
“Is ireland full of alcoholics?”
No. And neither is it full of sarcastic twats.
“Is it bad to having wank? will it affect my future??”
Well it really does depend on the circumstances of your wank. Are you wanking in public? Do you partake in danger wanks in the Australian Outback? If so it probably will effect your future and your ability to piss.
Cock bites from alligators are particularly cumbersome.
“why hippies smell bad”
Y’know most hippies tend to be soap dodgers too……….
“ellen macarthur should be at home ironing”
I could not agree more. The same applies to all women with spirit. Crush it and get them back in the kitchen washing our dirty undies by hand!
“dress like daniel o donnell”
Words………..fail……………me.
“tips on how to wank off lads”
Unless the aforementioned lad does not have a willy………………I should not have to go into detail either way! It doesn’t take much imagination for fucks sake. Read him a chapter from robinson crusoe and tickle his knackers!
“how they say merry christmas in ireland”
I think its something like “Argghhh its that time of year again yer fucking cunt!”
“dirty old whores called brenda”
Surely there can not be that many of them? I do know many dirty old whores called brendan though.
“used my testicles as punching bags”
You really do need to meet new people………..
“a drunken doctor is a threat”
Generally they tend to be, unless you are from anywhere in the British Isles. We adore gross negligence.
“meaning of this saying “wanking makes you go blind”"
It does exactly what it says on the urm……….tin.
“where can jim drink? he is a cunt”
Tell Jimbo to try anywhere in Larne. Cunts tend to be quite at home there.
“i m addicted to another boy s cock”
That usually only means one thing. You are a cock addict.
“goldfish feed chocolate?”
No. Unless you want to see Goldie floating within minutes.
“do goldfish really have a memory stand of 3 seconds?”
Hopefully, if you are trying to feed the poor fucker dairy produce.
“pig fucks boy”
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