Women Pleasuring Themselves In Public - What Next?

According to an article printed in the Sun today, it is now legal for women to pleasure themselves in public throughout the UK. This wouldn’t be so bad in itself if men weren’t prohibited from the exact same act. It’s not something I really want to see either way when I’m sitting there munching on my chips at the beach. The last thing you want is some fat bastard walking past you pounding his parson whilst you’re trying to keep your food in your stomach. But still, this law should apply to both sexes or none at all. I blame those goddamn commie feminists, they won’t stop until they have us all in chains with electric pegs attached to our nipples.

Sure enough I might be tempted to pleasure myself in a field at night providing there were no cows around. I mean Jesus, I’d be terrified that one would come up behind me and try to jag me up the arse or something! I wouldn’t be able to run away either because my bags would be around my ankles.

The law also states that women can’t masturbate at the bar in pubs but can do so anywhere else in the premises. What if you’re sitting there enjoying a nice pub lunch with your missus and this boiler comes over and starts yanking away over your soup? How would you respond? Would you call the waiter or just walk out? Or would you watch? I don’t know what I’d do to be honest. I’d probably keel over and die out of shock. Especially if she came in my dinner. That would be the final straw. I mean if you were that worried about a dirty hoe coming over to you, you could just sit at the bar and eat. But then you’d have to talk to the dirty old men, goddamnit.

I wonder what sort of ramifications this will have for tittie bars and massage parlours? Will whores openly offer up their wares in the Post Office? Surely decency must prevail! We need to make a stand against this. Every male from the UK should be presented with a cricket bat which they you can use if to dissaude a woman from performing lewd acts from his company. The government should issue old women with them too. But that could easily backfire if most old women are like Rita out of Coronation Street. It’d just encourage them to love themselves even more.

And at this point in the post I’m gonna stop. I feel violently ill.