Fuck’s sake, I despise the word ’socialize’! Why the fuck would anyone want to deliberately stay in a groups company? It’s the most depressing thing in the world. Pubs to me, are absolute sewers. Every time I go into one sober I immediately realize why I have to get so drunk to go into one in the first place.

It’s because they suck and people are over-rated.

I’ve tried other means of socializing in the past, like going to the cinema and joining the ramblers, but both just leave me hating humans all the more. Cinemas in particular are fucking pointless. I only go there to eat popcorn for 20 minutes. Once my bowl is finished, I want to move on. The last thing I wanna do is spend 2 hours watching a bland movie whilst surrounded by all sorts of shit heads and low lives.

So if you’re looking for a way to socialize without alcohol, there isn’t one. Stay indoors and count the number of scabs on your left bollock. It’s the only way forward, my friend.