Sally “Munt Is Not the Word” Webster

I remember as an impressionable young boy being quite partial to Sally Webster out of Coronation Street. I had quite bad eyesight at the time, some even speculated that I had tunnel vision which is probably not too far from the truth. But yeah, looking back on it, it’s quite embarassing particularly with her recent storylines in Corrie. Not forgetting the fact that she is a munt-munt of the highest order.

I’ve no idea how the hell she’s remained in that soap for so long. She can’t even act. And not in a redeemably camp kinda way. She’s just shite. It’s hard to tell at times who’s actually worse, her or her mongoloid gorilla-man husband Kevin. They are both as bad as each other I guess. That was a cop out I know, but just thinking about them is enough to make me want to claw my own eyes out.

Webster’s recent nervous breakdown has to be one of the greatest farces of all time. She wasn’t actually acting any differently than normal. She put in the same, drab stock Northern girl performance with the only difference being her voice. She spoke at maybe an octave higher than usual and that was about it.

Last year I received a letter from Granada Television threatening legal action if I did not desist in sending hate letters to Mrs Webster. There was nothing particularly threatening in the content of my own correspondence, it was just that I insisted on using the phrase “get the daft blonde cunt out” at regular intervals. Still it seems that my protests have fallen upon deaf ears.

Sally Webster. She’s like a less shaggable David Batty.

Thankfully she hasn’t been in Coronation Street at late but it won’t be too long until another half arsed storyline revolving around her idiotic goth daughter and the man-slag from across the street arrives on our screens.

Couldn’t they just end this quickly? How about changing Kevin’s character into an axe-wielding maniac ala Jack Nicholson in the Shining and have him mince up his wife, two daughters and the boyfriend in one Monday night bonanza?

I really can’t see her leaving at all. I mean so many good characters have been written out of the soap in the past few years and still, somehow, she has remained a mainstay in the show. What does she actually do bar fuck? I mean lets face it she has been around the block a fair bit. She fucked that weird grey haired man Ian, she’s done Kev obviously, she’s probably went down on Jack Duckworth on numerous occasions, she’s bound to have shagged Curly and Ashley Peacock. The list is practically endless.

And she’ll fuck more. She’ll seduce Kirk in the dog kennels and the poor lad will be completely smitten with her. She’ll have to sodomise him with a dog biscuit before he realises what a dirty little bitch she is and then he’ll announce the news in the Rovers that he’s just had a bone shape snack pushed up his crack in front of a baying crowd in the Rovers, who will force Webster out of the street for another month or two. Then she’ll come back thinking that everything is alright in two months time with another shite storyline.

Oh the fucking futility.