Rugby used to be the bane of my existence and it still is, particularly when I am trying to watch the Darts on Grandstand on a Saturday. Its the most boring, girly sport on the planet and I just wish I could go back in time and kill Mr Rugby.

Lets face facts Rugby is a poor excuse for a manly feel-up. If you are thinking of becoming a rugby player, take the direct route and just go to a gay sauna. Seriously, it will save you your teeth and a lot of embarassment in the long run.

We were forced to play Rugby in school and I had absolutely no interest in it. I used to try my best to avoid the ball, but you’d always get the fuckers who’d deliberately hoof it towards you.

After 7 years of having to struggle my way through this shite I perfected the art and could just stand by the side of the pitch smoking.

I’d get quite a lot of abuse from the limp wristed twats who actually enjoyed the sport but I did not give a shite because anyone who enjoys the sport is not worth acknowledging.

Rugby is a backwards sport for backwards people. Whats the deal with only being able to pass the ball backwards? I mean at least in American Football you can cunt the thing forward. It makes absolutely no sense. And it makes an already shite game shittier.

Also how come they call a score a try? “I scored a try!”. How non-committal does that sound? I “tried” to score a try, give me a fucking break! Its not good enough.

Live Rugby

What is it with the broadcasting audio from the referee’s microphone during matches? Could it be that Rugby players are not allowed to swear on pitch otherwise they will be sent off to the Sin Bin for a good old savaging by Uncle Tony? Rugby is the gentlemans sport after all!

Bollocks.to.that.

They should broadcast the audio in a sport that actually matters ala football, it would be a hell of a lot more interesting than the samey orders you hear from the Umpire in Shitby. In fact I think they should microphone everyone at the match, all of the crowd, all of the players and all of the managers.

There should be an audio man who filters the stream and amplifies any curse words so that you are presented with a cacaphony of swears and goads.

To conclude. Ban rugby. Someone. Somewhere. Please.