Robin Guthrie Of Goth

Name : Robin Guthrie

Goth Name : Steak Knife

Rank : Lieutenant-Colonel

Joined the forces : 1982

Many would consider Guthers role as Lieutentant-Colonel of the goths as an unlikely one. In the past he has expressed his distaste of people from the scene. He was also responsible for the execution of over 100 vegetarians during his reign as the axe wielding maniac of the dream-pop band the Cocteau Twins.

Do not let his everyman image deceive you. Guthrie is second in command behind Christ as the upholder of the Goth manifesto. He acts as servant and bodyguard for Jesus and can often be seen holding up fast food outlets and off licences all around the country in order to ensure that his leader’s demands are met.

There has of course been much speculation about Guthries dedication to the cause. When not serving the Lords every need he sits around watching daytime television whilst trying to invent a computer program that will predict the winning lottery numbers without fail every week.

Guthrie also refuses to attend the annual Goth black-tie dinner. He can instead be found at home, sitting on the toilet wearing a black robe and crown praying that Christ will one day choke on a pea at dinner so that he can take over his role as Colonel.