Please Stop Laughing Des And Mel

Des and Mel is a weekday British talkshow enjoyed by the unemployed and students. It is presented by legendary swinger Des O’Connor and well known dimwit Melanie Sykes. The presenters pride the show on being joyous with both protagonists laughing hysterically throughout the program to the detriment of any actual content.

Alright I’ll concede, it’s good to have an optimistic show to counterbalance the gloom and doom of the news and soap operas. In saying that it you can go too far and that’s certainly the case with The Des and Mel Show.

Sometimes I find myself running over to the T.V. in hysterics shaking the television to and fro screaming “Stop fucking laughing!!! Just stop it!! Its highly offputting! It can’t be that funny can it? Does Mel have a weasel in her twod or something? Stop it!!”

It does not help matters that Desmond acts like a complete slut throughout the program demanding that viewers tell their friends about it. How desperate is Des? Does he get paid by the viewer? Is he trying to reel in as many people as possible so that he can later bed the more desperate ladies who may be watching at home?

They should vary the theme of the show a little bit. Instead of presenting the show as “the happy hour” they could have the occasional insanity hour where they spike both of the hosts drinks with LSD, after arming them with rubber swords whilst demanding that they do battle with their guests in a padded cell.

It might alienate the largely apathetic audience of philosophy students however it would win back the interest of crazed war veterans suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

Why not move the show to after the water shed and allow the hosts to consume vodka during filming? I’m sure within time Mel will be fucking Des over the head with a stool demanding that he puts an immediate halt to his eyeing up of the fat broads in the front row.

Des would probably become even more egotistical and would use the entire show to showcase some of his new material to the audience. Which would literally bore everyone to death. During his slot they could allow the studio audience to wander onto the set at any time and provide them with water balloons filled with piss.

It would certainly keep Desipoos on his toes. Des should be allowed to retalliate by bashing any fucker he likes over the head with his microphone. Including Mel. It might cause a mild uproar but it would certainly be entertaining. More so than in its current state as it’s just stale boring shite really. Mel acts like shes 50 years old. It’s really depressing. I think everytime you tune in you take 3 months off your life.