welcome to another superb fucking edition of another drunken hero. today’s feature centres around that lovely little bastard known as paul fucking morley. for the benefit of the audience i will entitle this lecture “how to spank a cock 101″.

first and foremost people a little quiz. of the two characters presented below who is more full of shit?

a)

b)

times up! hand up your papers to the front. for the results of this spanking gorgeous quiz tune in another week.

to say that paul morley is a dick is like saying jo brand is a dyke. his mouth foams shit like a rabiant rottweiler. one will only see sir morley on one of those “TOP 100 most wanked off” specials they show on channel 4 when they’ve ran out of friends episodes to re-run. he will usually begin by making a wry comment about a band or an artist for example “marc almond was a gaping fuck, he put steve backley and tessa sanderson to bed, he was nihillistic with a crew cut, he made me want to dance, he made me want to fuck the misery out of the world with a chilling chord sequence such as C Major D Major and G Major”

after this inital outburst, mr morley will then resort to being a smug old bastard, usually producing a cigar and a wry smile. once the show reaches its final half he will begin reminded the viewers about how he was an integral part of the punk/post-punk scene through his ventures in a anarchic second-rate pub band and his meetings with such fuck-dykes as bono, siouxsie sioux and ian curtis. he particularly prides himself on one chance encounter with mister curtis in a late night Tesco’s in Burnley in mid-1980. according to the accused he met curtis at the washing powder section. mr curtis had his head stuck in a king size case of daz and was weeping like the prime drama queen he once was. paul went over to curtis and attempted to prize the box of his head, he realised that if he succeeded, his efforts would be remembered as a post-punk king arthur/excalibre episode. oh how the bastard pulled. he pulled and pulled! and mr curtis wept! and still the fucking box wouldnt come off! in fact contrary to popular opinion this is how ian curtis died. he did not hang himself. he suffociated in a box of washing up powder. anywhoo, ian died in paul morley’s arms and he will continue to remind people of that until he himself passes into the murky depths of the afterlife.

paul morley you are a cunt and your hands are still tainted in daz. salutations mudder-fucker!