Paul Daniels Oh Blackheart

Name : Paul Daniels

Goth Name : The Short Dank Cunt

Rank : Lieutenant-Colonel

Joined the forces : 18??

When it comes to being purely evil there are no better examples than “The Short Dank Cunt” a.k.a. Paul Daniels. Ever since he was a toddler Daniels derived much pleasure from microwaving cats. In fact he was featured a record number of 26 times in a national tabloid for such exploits.

Daniels was granted an honorary role as Lieutentant-Colonel of the goths sometime in the 18th century. Since then his lack of motivation and general shiteness have seen him make no advances up the ladder of gothdom.

Daniels is often the target of Robin Guthries practical jokes. On April Fools day last year Guthers tampered with Paul’s brakes leading to his car careering head on into a tree at 120mph. Daniels miraculously emerged from the accident injury free. Many people believe that Satan himself intervened. And they are probably right y’know.

There have been many efforts to oust Daniels from the movement for various different reasons. Many Goths subscribe to the belief that if people see that Paul is a goth, the majority of the public will therefore assume that all Goths are like Daniels i.e. midgety bald cunts. Which may or may not be close to the truth.