Jesus King Goth

Name : Jesus Christ

Goth Name : El Cid “The Dark Swarvy Version”

Rank : Colonel

Joined the forces : 0AD

Every organisation has to have a top-dog. A player to call the shots, if you will. Little do his followers know but Jesus was and remains King-Goth. Ever wondered what Jesus was at during his 40 nights in the desert? I’ll give you a clue, he was not in the desert. He was back in Jerusalem trying on P.V.C. corsets.

Judas was the only disciple to ever witness the Saviour in drag, and being a hateful sod decided to betray the Lord because of his eccentricity.

Most Goths dispute Jesus’s position as Colonel in the scheme of things. And many attempts have been made on his life. Fortunately any such assassination attempts have failed mainly due to Jesus’s body being caked heavily in make-up preventing any bullets from injuring him.

Jesus used to share the role of top-dog with his other two incarnations, Jehova and the Holy Spirit. Jehova resigned as co-colonel in 1981 after Christ confessed his love for the Cure’s seminal album Seventeen Seconds. The Father, incensed at his Son’s questionable taste in popular music decided to foreit his position with immediate effect. It is rumoured that Jehova now runs a god awful circus act in India.

Unable to cope with the loss of the Father, the Holy Spirit turned to Contreau to allievate his problems. His alcoholism lead to some rather strange managerial decisions being made including the creation of The Mission and Clan Of Xymox. He resigned from the hierarchy in the early 1990’s.

Rumours abound that the Holy Spirit is trying to re-enter the Goth fray after having a boozing session with Robert Smith last Saturday at the Purple Turtle.