Christ I’m tired of these whining snivelling bastards polluting the radio. You might be thinking that Snow Patrol are easy targets, but who gives a fuck, they deserve to be targets. Whenever I hear a Snow Patrol record I just want to die on the spot.

And not in a good way either. I feel like flushing my head down the toilet repeatedly just to feel alive. I feel like smashing as many pint glasses as I can over my head until I’m numb.

Gary Lightbody is from a town in Northern Ireland called Bangor. Now if you aren’t familiar with Northern Ireland, Bangor is a seaside town that actually has no inhabitants at all. It’s like Pripyat, Chernobyl only without any of the radiation or fun.

That’s why Lightbody’s songs are so desolate and shit. He’s upset about having been raised in such a hellhole. But no-one actually cares. Apart from all of those whinging indie kids who just get off on his dire bollocks because they don’t know any better.

Shame on you Lightbody. Retire before you ruin life for us all more than you’ve done so already.