Run at them with your dick out.

Run at them and ask them to smell your smelly trout of a bell. If you’re lucky, they’ll run for the hills, if you’re out of luck then you might end up being tugged off like a sailor.

If they threaten you, do not ring the police otherwise they’ll try to intimidate the hell out of you and your family. The best option is to buy a really huge angry dog and set it on them if they start to become really obnoxious.

To be on the safe side, it is best that you cork your dog’s arsehole, just in case one of the chavs tries to mount your dog and hump it for what he’s worth.

Trust me, your dog’s mental health should be considered paramount.