Dr Gillian McKeith - Detox My Ballbag and Taste What’s In My Cookbook!

Miss McKeith should rightly be dubbed the bastard chipmunk royale of all television surpassing even Gail Platt of Coronation Street fame.

Her program “You Are What You Eat” is utterly tired bollocks. In case you haven’t seen it she visits a new fatties house each week and starts stalking them everywhere, hoking through their bins to find out just what they eat in a week. Usually fatty rightly plays down her claims that they are sending themselves to an early grave.

McKeith being the ultimately bitch-hound from hell will not give up until she wears this weeks victim down by showing them pictures of what they’ll look like in 30 minutes if they keep eating 50,000 calories an hour. Her aim is to destroy the persons mind so that they will cave into and absorb her lettuce munching propaganda.

Hi Satan!

McKeith seems to hate any foods that are not lettuce. I mean have you actually seen her? She does fit the role of a chipmunk very well with her abdomen resembling that of a squirrel. An ugly rat-bag squirrel. Who is she to talk to others about lifestyle changes? She probably sits on a tree stump trying to crack open a nut with her razor sharp teeth. To no avail.

Anyway now that she has broken the mind of fatty she will make them take a shit. They will shit into a box and she will start on them about how their shit stinks. Excuse me……where is the shock there? I remember she actually said in one episode that your shit should be fragrant. Alright I’ll concede my shit smells great, but everyone elses? It fucking stinks.

Take cows, they shit and piss and farmers use it as manure. Does it smell like flowers? Perhaps McKeith should be around checking out what farmers put in that grass of theirs.

If you are reading this McKeith I will be only too happen to guest-host your program and go around to your house and see what you eat. If the title of your program is true I suspect you eat cunts.

I would go around to her house and start by burning down her kitchen and all of the shrubs in her garden and drive her down to the local one-stop and buy her 6 sausage rolls from the counter. I would force them her down her and if she complained I’d poke her with a stick. And start shouting GET ERM DOWN YE LUV, YER STILL WAY TOO SKINNY.

I would not make her take a shit. I’d fill this slot up with me poking her with a stick for 4-5 minutes mumbling what can only be assumed to be profanities whilst she sits on the bed with her eyes closed and her hands cupped around her ears. I’d have her sorted within the month. She’d become queen of the pasties, a virile fist-fighter who listens to Meatloaf records whilst downing real ale.