Eckhart Tolle is one sexy motherfucker. I’ve spent many an hour listening to his recordings, basking in my own presence and basically having a ball thanks to his teachings.

In case you don’t know who he is, Eckhart Tolle is a new age guru who believes that in order to achieve spiritual enlightenment we have to shut the fuck up for a minute. So far he’s written 3 books, all of which should be titled ‘Shut the Fuck Up’ as that’s the one and only premise that they teach. Somehow he manages to stretch out each publication to about 5,000 pages, iterating over the same point endlessly.

I’ve even watched shitloads of his videos on Youtube and most of them are unbearable. I honestly feel like I’ve been drugged after watching. It’s less exciting than watching flies fuck. The man spends about 4 hours pausing and guffawing as he realizes that the cash is rolling in whilst the gullible idiots who subscribe to his new-age mumbo jumbo are thinking they are on step away from reaching enlightenment.