Bird Flu, but who cares for the Birds?

It’s been all over the news recently like a demented hungry rash. We’re constantly being told about how about 555,000,000 of us are going to die because of Avian flu even if they make a vaccine in time.

This is fair enough, we don’t have a right to this earth at all and a good few deaths will inevitably lighten the load on the world and perhaps it will all make people think a little bit more about what exactly their lives mean.

However it has occured to me that no one really cares about the Birds. Have the flapping bastards got one inch of column space from a sympathetic journalist attempting to reassure them that everything will be ok?

No. Its all about us. Fuck the ducks and the pidgeons and the chickens. The only reason why we might be concerned about the latter is that they are a culinary favourite of ours.

We should endeavour to comfort our beaked friends in their hour of need. Next time you have an hour or two go around to the local duck pond with a 12 inch sub and feed the birds. You might not hear a quack in a long time.

Next time you are walking down the street and get shit upon by a rampant seagull, bless the fucker for soon it will be shitting no more.

You could even adopt a few birds. I’d recommend that if you are going to do this that you have a house made entirely of bread with maybe a few sheets on the floor to shop the shit from getting everywhere.

Normal houses will not work as our beaked allies will be especially frantic with the thought of their ensuing death on their minds and they’d be extremely prone to flying into windows, television sets and/or people.

If your abode becomes a home for the birds I’d wholeheartedly recommend ordering in tons of Lemsip, Covonia and Paracetamol so that you can help ease the symptoms of any critter that falls ill. You might also have to buy a lot of different sized teaspoons so that you can feed each bird the required dose of medicine.

Instead of worrying about any possible ramifications of Bird Flu on humanity, take positive action and make a birds life that much brighter today.